Except for me.

Dear Journal,

I feel kind of guilty.  Mr.T and MiniT are downtown watching the Parade.  I don't mean to be a stick in the mud, but I just don't like parades "my back hurts real bad."  Maybe it's just the small town variety I detest.  It all started the first year I moved here.  My apartment was in the heart of the route and I just wanted leave town and go shopping.  Little did I know that was impossible.  Every.single.way. I tried to leave was blocked off.  How dare they fence me in like that, don't they know I'm claustrophobic?   Leaving Alcatraz would have been more doable and I'm not even a good swimmer.

"Townsfolk" start going out the night before to lay down blankets, set up chairs, etc. to stake their coveted spot on the route and this continues throughout the day until all major roads resemble mini camp sites.  When I drove through today at 3, I noticed people were starting to sit in their spots and wait.  The parade doesn't even leave it's starting point until 7!  Some of my aggravation stems from people treating this "event" like it's the Parade of Roses or Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade, when in reality, there are no floats.  Where's the creativity?  It's a bunch of:

~ people from different banks walking in matching shirts (when I worked at the bank, I flat out refused)

~fire trucks from all over the county (wailing loudly and continuously and wasting taxpayer's money on gas)

~police cars (how nice, they're all occupied so feel free to speed or burglarize)

~small business trucks (no one wants to think about home improvements right now)

~classic cars (1977 Chevies are NOT classic cars. Are they? Am I getting that old?)

with the occasional horse drawn carriage thrown in and conveniently, each horse picks a different street to experience "intestinal distress" on and shits a giant trail right down the middle of the entire road to ripen in the evening sun.  Only some of the vehicles throw candy, probably from last Halloween, right into the dirty, horse shit lined street for the greedy kids to brawl over (I swear I've seen punches thrown). 

I try so hard not to be annoyed, but REALLY??  This is what they sit and wait hours for?  I could continue, but I'll spare you the additional gory details.

I've only had to suffer taken MiniT like 3 times ok, maybe just twice.  One year, I didn't feel like getting out of the pool and when he asked why all the sirens were going off I told him that maybe there was a really big fire...or something... and felt guilty so I made him an ice cream cone.  Another year, our nephews came over and it was raining off and on.  When they insisted we still go, I bribed them by making a Rite Aid run for an insane amount of candy then tossed it at them in the garage.  And this year, Cupcake got me out of it.

One nice thing I will admit, about small town life, is that no one ever seems to get their crap stolen or tossed aside by some jerk who wanted that spot, and I've seen some really nice camping chairs and even strollers left unattended all day.

OK, they're home.   Mr.T reports that a lot of vehicles threw candy this year and "it was just like Halloween."   Mmmmhmm.  I knew that's when it was from.  And MiniT has a bag full of "road candy" that I'll have to be all stealth about discarding because it's just way too much for him to eat, even if I do help him out. (Hey, candy is candy I rarely turn it down, even if it IS off the street.)

So, enough bitching...until next July,

Cake

P.S.  Wait til you hear about the fireworks.

Dear Journal,

Sigh. I feel like I haven't sat down and had a moment to myself in over a week (I think I don't have any time now, wait until October, right? Ha!) When I went to work today I crossed off the days and realized we're more than halfway through June already! Where does time go and how can I get more of it? I have all things things floating around in my head that I want to write out just to remember it or get it out, but now they escape me.

As suspected, I'm loving my summer hours. Sure, three 10 hour days are long and arduous, but it's not like I'm doing manual labor. Except for the last two when I was in "baking classes" all day. I had a blast with a few of my CWs learning all about mixes and that not all flour is created equally. I re-learned how to make Whole Wheat Bread and finally produced a delicious Cornbread from scratch (no small undertaking for this Yankee).

My feet are SCREAMING from being on them all day when I'm not used to it anymore (I can't believe I used to stand in high heels for 8 hours and not think a thing about it, ahhh to be young and thin again) and my back is cussing me out as well. It was worth it, even though I missed browsing the internet all day from the comfort of my office chair. At least I got to miss the "full moon" days when people get frea-kay on the phones and gorge myself sample everything my CWs made.

I even baked myself I wish, er, that is I baked a cake, which I don't do very often and now I remember why. It's a lemon cake with finely chopped strawberries and cream cheese frosting in the middle of the layers. I intended to add some color accents, borders and mint sprigs, but I couldn't take anymore "fun" after I piped FOUR EFFING CANS of frosting on the damn thing. Although it was fun, I'm certain I'll be washing frosting out of crevices for the next month and sending myself into a diabetic coma when I do taste it.

Between the frosting melting off and my pastry bags springing leaks, I had that shit everywhere. Including a huge mound on my protruding belly when I assidentally leaned over too far. Nice. She told me to leave it on my apron when she took a pic because it added "charm", but I think she just wanted to put it in her power point presentation and let everyone laugh at the fat girl.

Cake

Dear Journal,

YAY!!! We have wang! Definitely a boy, even my untrained eye could see sac and stem! I kind of figured it was as I feel much like I did with MiniT, ballsy.

While we were in the waiting room, MiniT looked at me all serious and says, "Mommy, I really want a brother, but if it's a sister, I promise I will still love her and take care of her." Don't you wish you had a reality TV crew following you around to splice together the "Season Highlights" of each year? Just the expression on his face and in his eyes, framed by thick, dark eyelashes (lucky turd, he didn't get those from me) - I just wish those were memories time could never erase.

So everything looked great! I was instensely watching the u/s tech take the measurements and what percentile they were in (And also looking for weiner). I couldn't help but notice that most everything was like in the 60-70th percentiles except the head, which was in the 90th and giggle to myself. Mr.T's childhood nickname from some of his friends was "Big Head" (said big'ead - ok that didn't come out right, oh well).

He doesn't REALLY have a big head now, but he did kind of have noggin when he was little - and so did MiniT - he's just now growing into his. So, another Baby Big Head. Dr.Gyn also remarked how long the legs are after she reviewed the pics, which for some reason I found kind of cool. That would explain the massive kicks I've been getting to the bladder lately.

No names yet, I'm so BAD at making this type of decision. This will be an extremely long and arduous process that probably will not be finalized until I fill out the birth certificate. I don't even have a top 10 at this point. I'm set on the middle name, after both of our favorite grandfathers who shared the same name. So that gives us a middle and last name - 2/3 there at least. 

I'm on Cloud 9 ,

Cake

P.S. Shannie, ITA about just being more comfortable with what you know, even though I have a vag, I wouldn't have had the first CLUE how to take care of another! I love little girls, I just love for someone else to have them.

Dear My Anus,

If you could ease up on producing the Grapes of Wrath down there, it would be much appreciated. While I know this is not entirely your fault (see below, well, I guess that's all you ever do is "see below" LOL. I'm not laughing at you so much as with you) and the cooperation of Colon is largely needed to make this all go, um, smoothly, I feel I need to remind just how good you've got it.

I think you'd be hard pressed to find someone who babies you the way I do, what with the daily cleansings, sparing no expense on premium aloe wipes (without coupons even, like the Naked Brothers Band sing  "If That's Not Love, Then What Is?), ensuring early on in my relationship with Mr.T that he knew you are strictly for exit only, sphincter kegels... you and I both know the list goes on, so just do your best and let's work with what we've got. Mmmmk?

Thanks "Bunches",

Cake

Dear My Colon,

I don't know what your problem is, but I think it's time we "sit down" and "work it out". Understandably, you may be feeling a bit neglected lately, what with all the attention focused on my uterus. I realize you have a tendency to be Irritable and that we had finally been able to appease you with routine cleansings, butt sacrifices must be made in the name of Cupcake. If I can go on functioning without some of my favorite things (wine, beer, my waistline, excessive amounts of Diet Dr. Pepper to name a few), I'm confident you can too.

Sleep is needed while I can still get it and you waking me up in the middle of the night with your painful twisting and wrenching simply will not do. And then you have the audacity to actually make me work for sweet relief by rocking, sweating and coaxing you to perform. Sometimes it gets to the point where I even have to strip nekkid. That's just not right. As soon as I think the fun is over and am back in my bed, drifting back into a state of peaceful slumber, I must answer your thundering, violent cries and make the urgent run of shame back downstairs for your grand finale of fireworks reminiscent only of Turbo Lax. It's hilarious in the movies, butt not so much in real life.

Do I not eat plenty of fiber, roughage and drink 60 - 90 oz. of water a day? That's all I accomodate for now. If you can behave yourself and drop this all or nothing assitude, I can promise there will be a box of cleansing product in the closet with your name on it come October. So please, "let it go."

With Utter Gratitude,

Cake

P.S. To my duodenum, jejunum and whatever other digestive organs are shoved in my body cavity: Pretty much all I have for you is to just keep the noise to a dull roar in there! One of these days during your loud gurgling fits after lunch, I fully expect IT guy on the other side of wall ito pop up and ask if I'm unclogging a drain at my desk.

Dear Journal,

I hope all of my Mommy friends are having a great Mother's Day!

It's been a good one for me. We all slept in and the first thing I heard was "Happy Mother's Day Mommy! You're the nicest and the bestest and the prettiest Mommy in the whole world!" from MiniT. Even if I had gotten nothing else, that seriously would have been enough. I'm so lucky to be his Mommy, and couldn't ask for a sweeter boy. (although trust me, I'm hoping lightening strikes twice with Cupcake ). I told him thank you for making me what I always knew I wanted to be, a Mommy.

Mr.T helped MiniT make me some mugs, coasters and flower pot that have some of my favorite pictures of us individually and together in them. He was so proud to give them to me and couldn't wait until I drank something out of the one. Mr.T had some of my favorite pictures blown up into 8x10s (and even framed them!) and also put some more pictures in a really cool photo collage frame for my desk at work. This is especially meaningful for me because it's always one of those things I "meant to get around to" but somehow never find the time, he's a thoughtful one, that Mr.T. The gift card was nice to, I need some cute summer shoes and a purse.

I called my Mom, but didn't go over because she said I didn't have to and to just stay home and rest, I love that woman. She, my sister and I are going out to lunch next weekend to some fancy place that she loves and has always wanted to take us to, so she told me to save the gas for that. I hate to be a cheap ass, but we are trying out a pretty strict budget and with gas at $3.75 a gallon, we are really trying to make a tank last as long as possible. She's probably proud I'm finally following in her frugal footsteps.

Mr.T and MiniT just left to go see MIL, who ALSO told me to stay home and relax (do I have it good or what? ) rather than come out in the rain. She gave me a giftcard the other day and actually told Mr.T not to stop by and stay home and focus on me. She can drive me a little nuts sometimes, but I seriously lucked out in the MIL department. So I wrote her a thank you card for the money and for the best gift of all, raising such an awesome man who is a loving and thoughtful husband and father. I don't tell her I love her enough, but I really do.

I asked MiniT to give to her as a special job for me and then caught him trying to shove $40 that he found on the kitchen counter into the envelope. I was like, "Ummm, what are you doing?"

Him: I wanted to give Gammy a present from me.

Me: Well, honey, that's really sweet, but we need that money for some stuff this week.

Him: Can I give her some dollars from my piggy bank then?

Me: I think that would be a very nice idea.

So, he got out two crumpled ones and put them in an envelope with some stickers on it. Not a day goes by he doesn't warm my heart and make me smile. I love that boy.  

Now if I could just drink a big bottle of wine.  Even the dogs are behaving,

Cake

Dear Journal,

Why the frick did you post that last, unfinished entry when I unclicked publish? Clearly, you are pissed at me for abandoning you yet again. I like to think of it as "hiatus", but whatever, I'm here (But haven't been since then EEK!). Maybe unfinished will just be my new "thang", well, not new, really, because if you could look around my house and laptop files, you'd see incomplete knitting and digiscrapping projects galore. I just need to embrace it.

Anyway, my ultrasound went AWESOME and Cupcake was in there moving around like HE (unconfirmed until June 4) was in a mosh pit. The ultrasound tech was super nice and gave us a ton of cute pics, BUTT I can't get a good pic of them and remember that scanner I bought with my laptop on October 2006? Yeah, that's still in the shipping box in the closet of my bedroom. I wish I would have known it was going to be a regular ultrasound vs. the giant dildo with a camera kind because we could have taken MiniT and he would have loved it. They said we can bring him next time, at least.

Yesterday, one of the Moms at MiniT's school gave me a shi-ton of maternity clothes, which was both awesome and scary. I'm not REALLY going to get that big am I? It's amazing what you block out forget in 6 years.

Still kind of bitchy, as it turns out, I'm not that nice unmedicated (self or otherwise) and I'm beginning to be ok with that. It's kind of nice to be a complete bitch stand my ground at work over issues and not feel bad. Speaking of work, I'm going to switch my hours and work three 10 hour shifts. With this suck? You betcher ass it will, but I need to maintain 30 hours for our free health insurance and the lure of a four day weekend every week is enough to make up my mind. I get n.o.t.h.i.n.g. done anyway after work, so I might as well stay there and do nothing but surf the internet and get paid for it 3 days a week. And it will be very nice to have more quality time with MiniT before he starts Kgarten and Cupcake make his grand appearance.

I'm trying not to have a panic attack thinking of all the things I need to get done this summer such as the general purging of clutter and clothes and deciding where the hell this baby is going to sleep. But that's AHOLE nother post that is sure to be full of whining and bitching. I know you can't wait.

So I'm here, and promise I will try to be more frequently, for you, but mostly for me.  I'm miffed at myself for not stopping by to jot down some funny MiniT moments, and we all know those slip by so quickly. You think you'll always remember those little moments, but then new ones take their place. And that was half of my reason for starting an online journal anyway.

I miss being a blog whore and I am sorry I've dropped off the face of the internet, but I don't have anyone's blog address in my histroy or favorites, so that means I would have actually had tp stop HERE to visit them and I've been avoiding myself. If it's any comfort, sometimes I don't call my own mother back for several days.   Hey look at that, I actually finished a post!

Good luck shutting me up now,

Cake